A few months ago Liam discovered the camera on the Kindle Fire. Craig hadn't even figured it out yet. Recently he took 300 selfies. Here is just a sample.
When I look at this face...and there were 300 to look at!....I see innocence and joy and wonder and the thrill of childhood. I see a child that lives in the moment and enjoys himself thoroughly. I see a child with a sweet, gentle spirit. Oh of course, he gets into trouble, he finds mischief to make. But I know that most of this is caused from boredom. With two aging parents who have aches and pains and don't get on the floor too well any more you tend to have more time on your hands than you should. We all know the saying about idle hands and all. So true. Though I have a hard time seeing the devil in this face.
I used to have a day care plus my niece spent hours, several days a week, her first three years with me. Everyone knows that they never act the same for others as they act for you. For the most part my day care kids were well behaved...and Jacqueline was a dream.
I did not grow up with the best example of proper discipline. The answer to every infraction was a spanking with the belt or a bamboo switch. Yes, we had the bamboo switch faze. Though I remember the belt best. There was only one time my dad did not immediately reach for the belt. That is the time that stands out the most. I didn't get a spanking, I got an explanation of why I was never to say that word again. He actually reasoned and explained and that wrong was never repeated.
Parenting is not easy. Sometimes they need a spanking. And you have to be sure you are no longer angry with them, that you are under control, and that you are no where that anyone could see and turn you in. But more often than not they need other forms of discipline. Liam does not obey me and put down his Fire to get ready for bed...spank or take the Fire away for the night? I can tell you what is going to affect him most...what will get the point across fastest. Not everything is a spanking offense. Liam is getting very dramatic and cries at the drop of a hat, angry if things don't go his way. Do you spank or do you send him to his room (without his Fire) to rest because "clearly you didn't get enough sleep last night". I can tell you now...a spanking would only escalate what is happening already. Sure he cries as he goes to his room...but he sits up there long enough for me to calm down and for his tears to stop. He is then willing to talk to me and see the problem from a calm and controlled angle.
There have been some things dwelling in my mind and heart lately. Things that really bother me. Things that ruin visits and cause you to second guess every decision you make as you parent. I know I am not the only one dealing with a person in their lives who is difficult. But I feel quite alone. Like I am somehow failing, though in reality I know that others find Liam fairly well behaved and a joy to be around. Yesterday both of his Sunday School teachers told me how well he sat during class, how well he listens, how well he answers questions.....then he is a monster in the service with me. Can't sit still to save his soul. His foot itches, his pants have something pokey in them, he has to go to the bathroom...AGAIN!!!! What happened between Sunday School and now!? Oh...he is with me! And in case you wonder...this is a spanking offense. A remove from the building and go to the van for a spanking, offense. (our church is very small and there is no where to go in the building for a private moment like that).
Parenting is not easy. And when you have someone in your life who should be a support. Someone who should come along side and offer wisdom lovingly, someone who you should be able to trust with your child, someone who should be playing a big roll in that child's life...helping them grow into a godly man, someone who your child should want to be around, look forward to seeing, someone who should make your child feel loved...and that person doesn't or can't.....yet is not afraid to call you on the carpet for all your mistakes, even seems to lay in wait for Liam to mess up, then point out to you that he just did something wrong....waiting for how you are going to handle it. Though that persons family is so badly fractured that relationships were lost years ago, they seem to have all the answers you need to properly parent. Answers that are brutal, cruel, angry, critical.....what do you do? Some people are not easily removed from your life. But you must protect your child. As Liam's parents...it is up to Craig and me...it is our decision how he is raised.....it is our decision when I start homeschool for this year, when he goes to bed, when he gets up. If he jumps on the furniture, if he builds things with his onion rings and olives, if he finishes his food or leaves some on the plate, if he dances around the empty foyer of a restaurant or if he stands like a soldier at our sides, if he behaves like his cousin when she was four years old......it is OUR decision!!!!
He is four....we could go the entire day and he could hear nothing but NO. He could be corrected for everything he does, he could be beaten down emotionally and verbally so much that the joy is sucked from his life. But he would behave. We would no longer have his heart strings, but he would behave. Then the criticism would stop. We would then be doing it right. We would raise a sad little robot who would become bitter. Angry. And who would leave the minute he got the chance and we would be really lucky if he ever came back. And then would he become that same type of parent? Would my grandchildren suffer from our harshness?
Matthew 7:5 says...'Thou hypocrite, first cast out the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out the mote (sliver, speck) out of thy brother's eye'. I couldn't think of a more perfect verse for this situation. I believe those beams block our view of ourselves. Some people might think this person is living with regrets. Suffering inside from past mistakes. I argue, wouldn't that make them try to change? Yes. Unless their is a beam involved. This person has a fractured family, horribly fractured. Irreparable relationships. And now that fracture is creeping into my family. And I will not allow it to affect my child.
Sadly, Liam will not have the memories I have growing up. The loving family members who make him feel special and loved and cherished. I had a set of grandparents who I know adored me. Liam has grandparents who love him. But he will never feel adored by them. He has an Aunt, Uncle and cousins in Texas who would give him that feeling.....but Texas is a long way away. But there are people outside of our family who have come alongside and filled that space. People who greet him like he is the only one in the room. Hug him and talk to him like he is all that matters. Thank you Auntie Pam and Susan.
I might be rambling. There is just so much on my mind. So many injustices. So much I want to say to the person hurting so many. But I am leaving it to another. It will be handled.
And now I will leave you with a Liamism:....you know...he is getting older...sad but true....and the cute things are not quite as forthcoming. He seems to have it a little more together these days. But we have moments. Some are cute, some are endearing. I think this one is a little of both. Liam was in the bath the day before yesterday. He was dunking his head and coming up sputtering. Well, one time he came up doing more than sputtering and as he chocked he called for daddy. Craig went running in and I heard him talking to Liam, wiping his face, patting his back....then Liam said "thank you daddy for rescuing me". Yes...thank you daddy!
I will leave you with a parting shot:
I used to have a day care plus my niece spent hours, several days a week, her first three years with me. Everyone knows that they never act the same for others as they act for you. For the most part my day care kids were well behaved...and Jacqueline was a dream.
I did not grow up with the best example of proper discipline. The answer to every infraction was a spanking with the belt or a bamboo switch. Yes, we had the bamboo switch faze. Though I remember the belt best. There was only one time my dad did not immediately reach for the belt. That is the time that stands out the most. I didn't get a spanking, I got an explanation of why I was never to say that word again. He actually reasoned and explained and that wrong was never repeated.
Parenting is not easy. Sometimes they need a spanking. And you have to be sure you are no longer angry with them, that you are under control, and that you are no where that anyone could see and turn you in. But more often than not they need other forms of discipline. Liam does not obey me and put down his Fire to get ready for bed...spank or take the Fire away for the night? I can tell you what is going to affect him most...what will get the point across fastest. Not everything is a spanking offense. Liam is getting very dramatic and cries at the drop of a hat, angry if things don't go his way. Do you spank or do you send him to his room (without his Fire) to rest because "clearly you didn't get enough sleep last night". I can tell you now...a spanking would only escalate what is happening already. Sure he cries as he goes to his room...but he sits up there long enough for me to calm down and for his tears to stop. He is then willing to talk to me and see the problem from a calm and controlled angle.
There have been some things dwelling in my mind and heart lately. Things that really bother me. Things that ruin visits and cause you to second guess every decision you make as you parent. I know I am not the only one dealing with a person in their lives who is difficult. But I feel quite alone. Like I am somehow failing, though in reality I know that others find Liam fairly well behaved and a joy to be around. Yesterday both of his Sunday School teachers told me how well he sat during class, how well he listens, how well he answers questions.....then he is a monster in the service with me. Can't sit still to save his soul. His foot itches, his pants have something pokey in them, he has to go to the bathroom...AGAIN!!!! What happened between Sunday School and now!? Oh...he is with me! And in case you wonder...this is a spanking offense. A remove from the building and go to the van for a spanking, offense. (our church is very small and there is no where to go in the building for a private moment like that).
Parenting is not easy. And when you have someone in your life who should be a support. Someone who should come along side and offer wisdom lovingly, someone who you should be able to trust with your child, someone who should be playing a big roll in that child's life...helping them grow into a godly man, someone who your child should want to be around, look forward to seeing, someone who should make your child feel loved...and that person doesn't or can't.....yet is not afraid to call you on the carpet for all your mistakes, even seems to lay in wait for Liam to mess up, then point out to you that he just did something wrong....waiting for how you are going to handle it. Though that persons family is so badly fractured that relationships were lost years ago, they seem to have all the answers you need to properly parent. Answers that are brutal, cruel, angry, critical.....what do you do? Some people are not easily removed from your life. But you must protect your child. As Liam's parents...it is up to Craig and me...it is our decision how he is raised.....it is our decision when I start homeschool for this year, when he goes to bed, when he gets up. If he jumps on the furniture, if he builds things with his onion rings and olives, if he finishes his food or leaves some on the plate, if he dances around the empty foyer of a restaurant or if he stands like a soldier at our sides, if he behaves like his cousin when she was four years old......it is OUR decision!!!!
He is four....we could go the entire day and he could hear nothing but NO. He could be corrected for everything he does, he could be beaten down emotionally and verbally so much that the joy is sucked from his life. But he would behave. We would no longer have his heart strings, but he would behave. Then the criticism would stop. We would then be doing it right. We would raise a sad little robot who would become bitter. Angry. And who would leave the minute he got the chance and we would be really lucky if he ever came back. And then would he become that same type of parent? Would my grandchildren suffer from our harshness?
Matthew 7:5 says...'Thou hypocrite, first cast out the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out the mote (sliver, speck) out of thy brother's eye'. I couldn't think of a more perfect verse for this situation. I believe those beams block our view of ourselves. Some people might think this person is living with regrets. Suffering inside from past mistakes. I argue, wouldn't that make them try to change? Yes. Unless their is a beam involved. This person has a fractured family, horribly fractured. Irreparable relationships. And now that fracture is creeping into my family. And I will not allow it to affect my child.
Sadly, Liam will not have the memories I have growing up. The loving family members who make him feel special and loved and cherished. I had a set of grandparents who I know adored me. Liam has grandparents who love him. But he will never feel adored by them. He has an Aunt, Uncle and cousins in Texas who would give him that feeling.....but Texas is a long way away. But there are people outside of our family who have come alongside and filled that space. People who greet him like he is the only one in the room. Hug him and talk to him like he is all that matters. Thank you Auntie Pam and Susan.
I might be rambling. There is just so much on my mind. So many injustices. So much I want to say to the person hurting so many. But I am leaving it to another. It will be handled.
And now I will leave you with a Liamism:....you know...he is getting older...sad but true....and the cute things are not quite as forthcoming. He seems to have it a little more together these days. But we have moments. Some are cute, some are endearing. I think this one is a little of both. Liam was in the bath the day before yesterday. He was dunking his head and coming up sputtering. Well, one time he came up doing more than sputtering and as he chocked he called for daddy. Craig went running in and I heard him talking to Liam, wiping his face, patting his back....then Liam said "thank you daddy for rescuing me". Yes...thank you daddy!
I will leave you with a parting shot:
300 pictures and 298 of them were only half his face.